Imaginary Friends

I love watching my children play. They spontaneously come up with worlds within worlds, they have full complex conversations with their toys, and sometimes they appear to be talking to another person. This friend will be a part of the game, they often have a name and a full blown backstory! For many years I had an imaginary friend, he was based on a character from Fireman Sam called Elvis. I can’t really remember him very well now (it was a fair few years ago!) but I remember he felt very real. I had imaginary horses too! My son now has a small group of imaginary friends who go on outings with us and often go to school with him. I enjoy having conversations with him about his friends, who are very interesting individuals!

Of course, every one’s experience will be different, we’ll all have different opinions on the how’s and why’s, hence why I felt like exploring this fascinating subject today!

Psychology Says…

I’ve read a few different articles written by various psychotherapists over the years. There was a theory floated around that children created imaginary friends off the back of a trauma, or grief, as a coping mechanism for a sudden life-altering change. First off, I would ask define trauma. What’s traumatic for you, might not be traumatic for me, what turns my whole world upside down might barely be a bump in the road for somebody else.

A couple of years ago, I got called into my son’s school to speak to his teacher and the subject of his imaginary friends was brought up. I started panicking. Maybe I was an awful Mum who failed to give her son enough stimulation and social experiences, or something awful had happened to him, so he had turned to imaginary friends to find connection and comfort. Obviously, I’ve come to realise he’s an incredibly imaginative and creative boy, and these friends are an extension of his marvellous imagination. He is also a very sensitive boy, we work closely with a Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator at his school as he has trouble regulating his emotions. He is sometimes very easily upset, if he’s interrupted, if someone ignores him or if his artwork goes wrong, which could play a part in his creation of a group of friends who are always there for him. I can only theorise of course, and focus on keeping the lines of communication open with him.

Whilst feeling lonely, going through grief or any other kind of loss or change might trigger the birth of an imaginary friend, most psychotherapists seem to recognise that children with creative minds will more than likely have an imaginary friend at some point. (There’s a great article on Romper about this, by Abi Berwager Schreier if you’re interested in further reading.) Which as a parent and someone who grew up with an imaginary friend, is very reassuring to read!

What if…?

I have another theory on the subject of imaginary friends: Are they Spirit Guides? Spirit Guides (or whichever name you feel most accurately describes them, I like the term “Inspirers” personally!) can present themselves any way they choose. People often talk about who their Spirit Guides are, usually a native American or an ancient Egyptian. And this may be the case, although I imagine they probably present themselves in whatever form they know will most likely get our attention or make us want to deepen our connection with them. But that’s a whole other blog I feel…

I am strongly of the opinion that Imaginary Friends are Spirit Guides making a connection with us. We feel safe with them, we talk with them, we’re playful with them and we can seek them out when we feel lost, lonely or sad. And as we grow up and drift away from what we see as childish flights of fancy, they continue to guide us, to bring thoughts, ideas and flashes of inspiration to our minds, even if we don’t “see” them anymore.

Growing Up

As an adult, I find this notion of imaginary friends being friends from Spirit World a comforting thought. When I feel isolated or unsure, I remind myself that there has been a team of supporters from a world unseen that have been cheering me on ever since I was born, that have been there with me through all my challenges, possibly in the form of my imaginary friends, or in the little nudges of intuition.

I love the idea that we begin building our connection with the world of Spirit from a young age. We all have that connection with Spirit in our Souls, and that shows itself in many ways, especially in a creative mind with unlimited possibilities.